That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
