her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
