areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
