You made me cry and you don't even care
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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