I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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