i just wanna soil my oats bro
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
