i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
