Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
