Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
