haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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