i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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