I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
