Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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