He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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