I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
