He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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