Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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