You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
