she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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