Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk is not a location!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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