and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm eating all of the evidence.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
