he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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