I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
