Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You are the jesus of drinking
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
