I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
