I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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