My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
