I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she peed on how many people?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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