First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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