I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
