Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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