I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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