I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
