Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
