I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
