I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
