So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
