oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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