It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
