I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
