Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
be right there i have to get my cape
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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