if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
