He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
