It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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