you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
