I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
should my penis look like a turkey
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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