it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
