So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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