I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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