If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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