did you get engaged???
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
