3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
