i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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