tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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