I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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