Im at strip club and am horny
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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