mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
