he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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