Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
