Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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