So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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