soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
