you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
