I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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