so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
