You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
