this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
