Apparently you make a good broom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
