maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
