Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
