I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
