so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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