You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
