Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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