I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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