Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am one with the molecules
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
