Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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