You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
