Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
