If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
