i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
