just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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